Sensory Play for Deeper Connection

In long-term relationships, it’s common for the initial spark and deep physical connection to ebb and flow. It’s one of the most common concerns clients raise when it comes to their romantic relationship – and I get it. Like really get it. Life gets busy, stresses pile up, things change, and sometimes we find ourselves disconnected from our partners, our bodies and ourselves.

When I feel this way, I find it always helps to come back to my body. To curiously wonder about what my body is feeling, or what she wants to experience, and I can often access the answer through connection to my senses, i.e. smell, touch, taste sight and sound. When it comes to sex and pleasure, this is where sensory play can come in!

Sensory play offers a beautiful way to reconnect not just with each other, but with the here and now, your bodies, and pleasure itself. While sensory play can absolutely be an incredible solo practice, exploring it together as a couple can deepen intimacy, foster trust, and bring fresh excitement into your relationship. If you’re looking to connect (or re-connect) with your partner, sensory play might just be the gentle, playful way in.

What is sensory play?

Sensory play involves stimulating those five senses to heighten present-moment awareness and experience of sensation. It’s about tuning into how your body feels in the moment and surrendering to those sensations without distraction or judgment.

In the context of intimacy, sensory play often focuses on touch, using different textures, temperatures, pressures, and rhythms to create new, exciting, and sometimes surprising sensations. But it can also include incorporating scented oils, whispering words, playing with lighting or music, or even tasting sensations.

Why I love sensory play

Sensory play gives you the chance to ground your mind in your body and just enjoy what’s happening as it happens. So often, in sex or intimacy, people can find their minds racing with worries, distractions, or performance anxieties. Sensory play invites you to drop into your body and be fully present.

For me, it’s done exactly that. I definitely have moments where the emotional want, or wish, to have sex is there, but it’s like my body isn’t coming along for the ride. In those moments I am definitely willing, but it has felt like a bit of hard work to get that arousal happening in my body. This is when I have found kicking things off with a bit of sensory play to be the most beneficial. It brings my focus away from the outcome and back to just noticing sensation, noticing my body, noticing what I am feeling.

For couples, it’s an invitation to surrender; to let go of control and expectations and simply feel. This process can reduce stress, increase pleasure, and open pathways to deeper connection, and this shared grounding and surrendering can create a powerful container of trust. When both partners are present and attuned to each other’s sensory experience, it fosters emotional safety and vulnerability, which are foundational elements for meaningful intimacy.

Incorporating sensory play into your relationship

You don’t need to overhaul your routine or invest in complicated toys to get started with sensory play as a couple. Here are some simple and effective ways to weave it in:

1. Set the mood

Create a sensory-friendly environment. Dim the lights or use candles or fairy lights. (Pro tip: red bar lights or light globes are super sexy.)  Play soft music that encourages relaxation or sensuality. Introduce scents like lavender or ylang-ylang with essential oils or incense. When the environment itself appeals to the senses, it sets a natural tone of presence and relaxation.

2. Start slow and build trust

Begin by exploring touch without expectation. You can take turns using your hands or objects to caress your partner’s body. Notice how different strokes, pressures, and textures feel. Ask your partner what they like, what surprises them, or what they’d like to try next. The focus here is on connection, curiosity, and communication.

3. Use blindfolds or soft scarves

OK I try not to play favourites but this is definitely my fave! Removing sight can heighten other senses, especially touch and sound. For me, it really helps me bring my attention to my breathing, which I find super helpful for building arousal.  If you or your partner are comfortable, gently blindfold one another and take turns exploring sensation; it really can make even the lightest touch feel new and thrilling.

4. Explore temperature play

Using ice cubes, warm oils, or heated towels can add an unexpected element. Running an ice cube along the neck or inner arm can make the skin tingle and awaken nerve endings. Warmth from a heated massage oil can soothe and relax muscles, enhancing pleasure. Most metal and glass toys can be heated and cooled, but if you’re not buying from a reputable store, be sure to check the manufacturer’s instructions first.

5. Incorporate Toys Gradually

Sensory play is a great way to introduce toys into your intimacy without pressure. Toys can offer new textures, vibrations, or sensations that you might not be able to replicate with your hands alone. When used in a playful and exploratory way, they add to the sensory palette and open up new possibilities.

The gateway to toys?

For many couples, the idea of incorporating toys into intimacy can feel intimidating or overwhelming. I hear this a lot from my own clients – there’s curiosity, but the choice is huge and it’s hard to know where to start! Sensory play offers a natural, gentle pathway to ease into toy use, allowing you to shift the focus from doing/performing to simply experiencing pleasure in new ways.

You know what else I’ve noticed? Sensory play naturally invites more open communication and curiosity. You will find yourself naturally enquiring – “how does that feel?”, “Should I go harder/softer/faster/slower?”, “Do you like it like this, or like this more?”. These kinds of curious questions, and the giving and receiving of feedback, are essential skills for successful and enjoyable toy use. Well, for any sex, really! It can really help you both discover what kinds of sensations you like, building confidence and excitement.

My experience with 3 sensory play toys

To give you a taste of what sensory play with toys can look like, the gorgeous team at Wild Secrets sent me three, sensory-based toys to try. I know, I know, tough job but someone has to do it. I was so excited when I opened the box and discovered my goodies, especially some I had NEVER tried before!

But then the night came around, and that thing happened that I wrote about earlier; I wanted to try them out, but my body was just… not really feeling it. But never fear, I knew what I needed to do, as did my partner! We have worked hard to develop great communication around this topic; what we are feeling and what we need. First things first – environment. Bedroom at sauna-levels of warm – because if I’m cold forget it – playlist going, candles lit.

Mila Palm Vibrator

The Mila Palm Vibrator was the first toy we tried. It has the most gorgeous feel; it is easy to hold in your hand, with gentle vibrations and made from the most beautiful soft silicone. Its shape means you can experiment with different sides, or the pointier tip, to generate either a more widespread or localised sensation. We took it in turns to run this over our own, and each other’s bodies – and asking each other to stop if we particularly liked a spot and wanted more time spent there.

And that connection is why I’m glad we started with this toy particularly. The different ways you could use, and hold it, really brought my attention to the present. I noticed quite quickly that I was really paying attention to sensation because I knew my partner was going to ask me more questions about what I was experiencing, and what I was preferring. And for that reason alone I’ll probably use it more with my partner than by myself.

We were both really enjoying the more localised vibrations so then we tried the

Seduce Precision Vibrator

The pinpoint vibrations of this toy were incredible! We both loved this and discovered a range of pleasure zones; for me I really enjoyed this being used behind my ear, and on the palm of my hand. By this time I was noticing my body relaxing even more, our breathing deepening, we dimmed the lights even further and both really sank into what we were feeling. I didn’t realise it at the time but I think on reflection, the small tip of this precision tool really helped bring my attention to the present moment because of the concentration it required. It was amazing how attuned to my partner I felt as I used it on him.; noticing how his breathing changed, or how he reached for me, depending on the setting of the toy, how fast or slow I moved it, or how firmly I pressed it against him. I actually feel like I learnt a lot about both of our bodies using this toy!

Pleasure Poker Textured Glove

Okay, not going to lie. The Pleasure Poker Textured Glove was initially a bit funny for us. I definitely laughed out loud when he snapped it onto his hand like a surgeon going into theatre.

BUT – we were pleasantly surprised. VERY. PLEASANTLY. This glove, with its different textures on each part of the hand, offered a variety of sensations. Interestingly, my partner reported that it felt really easy to use and manoeuvre, more so than a regular toy, and we found ourselves experimenting with different body and hand positions. We took a lot of time with the glove because we were so surprised at the different experiences it offered.

Which I guess illustrates the point I’ve been making all along – that sensory play shifts focus from goal-oriented sex or performance to playful exploration and presence. I started the evening from a place of willingness, and want, but also feeling a bit of disconnection from my body, and from the present moment. Tuning into my senses allowed me to find my way into that moment, and the experience, and the toys we used definitely enhanced that. When we finally paused, we were both surprised to find two hours had passed! Being that lost in the moment is rare for me and it felt delicious to share that time with the person I love.

The magic of the sensory play journey

Sensory play, for me, enables connection to my partner through connection with myself.  Starting with simple sensory exercises and gradually incorporating toys offers a fun, low-pressure path to expanding your repertoire of shared pleasure. If you’re curious and want to try sensory play with your partner, start small. Consider the 5 senses, set the mood, communicate openly, and invite curiosity. When they say the magic is in the journey rather than the destination, I’m pretty sure this is what they were talking about.